I heard we made out
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
