She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
