Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
