Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
