I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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