Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
