I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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