don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
