Tell her she can't have a vagina
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
