He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
