I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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