i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
