Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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