i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
