I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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