you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Come share oat with me in your robe
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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