Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
