Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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