Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
