if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
