There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
