Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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