So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
