She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
