Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
