yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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