dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
