i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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