final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
