Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
