I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
