batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
