Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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