do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
