He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
