dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
