weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
