Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
