I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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