:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
