Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
