I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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