no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
