Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
