just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
