very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
