i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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