he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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