I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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