...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
