Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
