we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
